notes from Africa, chapter 9.

Things have been relatively quiet since my last entry. I have spent a great deal of time reading and reflecting. It seems time is moving at a snails pace these days. Usually, I would love that I thought time was moving slow – I am continually in awe of how things in my life that I never think will end, end. However, this time is different. My time has been slow because my normally very complex lifestyle has been reduced to a decently constant routine. It is not completely constant, but, for me, it seems dramatic. If my life, seen in molecular terms, is usually: C6H3Cl2NO2 1,2-DICHLORO-4-NITROBENZENE, this past couple weeks have been reduced to a simple H – Hydrogen. I have been teaching, preparing for teaching, reading, writing, and being in my little box before dark each night.
DAYTIME:
Teaching is phenomenal. I especially like my form 3 students; they ask the best questions. The more I continue to teach the more I appreciate the students’ concept of learning. They understand that it is their only hope for doing well in life, and therefore have no intentions of slacking. Friday, a girl from the form 4 class asked if I could assign them a bit more homework next class period. I thought I had assigned a hefty chunk. The students do not want to be shorted during their opportunity to learn. Preparing for class has been a fun experience as well. Preparing lessons is fun and challenging. Sometimes it is a struggle to put the time into the lessons the students deserve, but it’s nothing a good cup of chai can’t fix. I can see why some universities give their professors one day of the week to pursue their own studies.
Other than teaching it is more of the same as I stated in the last blog. I have been still helping at CHONESUS. I am currently working on putting together a seminar on “discipleship” for the young men in the group/whoever wants to come. I am looking forward to it; however, I am still working on how I want to present the issue. Yesterday Timm and I had a little time in the afternoon so we went down during ‘School’s lunch break’ (all the school’s take lunch at the same time in Kibera) and played with a bunch of the kids. It had been a little while since we had just played with the kids. It was refreshing. Timm brought the video camera. Man do those little guys love to seem themselves (on the flipped-to-face-them viewing screen) move around! We lost track of time and I was almost late to teach one of my afternoon classes. Sometimes if you are late to class another teacher will steal your class period and just teach their subject (weird culture huh?). I ran and made it just in time for the bell (I guess I am the same guy whether I am a student or the teacher).
Oh, and by the way, the new school is built; it is the fastest construction project I have ever seen in my life. Although, I think it helped that it is made entirely out of scrap wood and corrugated tin. It is completely 'Other' to any construction I have ever seen/been a part of. They just work with what they have, which is virtually nothing. It is a multi-building complex (I wish I could show you a picture or two but I currently lack the technology) that serves the immediate purpose, but I am fairly confident it will only last three or four years (but then again what do I know).
NIGHT:
There really is quite a rift between my days and my nights. Really…I mean my days are full of African culture, Swahili speaking, teaching, walking, bartering for avocadoes, meeting various people, and learning about Africa. The nights, in contrast, are full Concrete-room culture, English speaking, reading, sitting, eating avocadoes, having no interaction, and learning about myself. Last night Timm and I attempted to go out around 7:00pm to watch a futbol game at one of the local joints. After making it to the end of our street, being harassed 95% of the way, and finding out that the game wasn’t actually being shown that night we decided it would be a good idea to head back home; However, we did meet another mzungo (whitey) that lives near us. So last night, Timm, myself, alex (the other whitey), and a couple of our African friends made African food and enjoyed dinner together. The variance in the routine was wonderful.
Lately…I have been thinking about my struggle to love people before they even open their mouths without that love being a shallow love. I spoke about this in my last blog entry. Shortly after posting the blog I received an e mail from my bro offering a suggestion to help me think through this odd dichotomy. He asked me to think about the relationship between unconditional love and anonymity. At first, I couldn’t get much out of it but after spending some healthy concrete-box-time with it…I think there is a relation.
I want to love people before they even open their mouths, but I don’t want to love-shallow. Unconditional love is loving no matter who finds out. It is completely anonymous, and therefore the best love is a love that loves no matter whether the person being loved knows they are being loved by you or not. Love never fails. Love, and trust that it will be the right thing to do, even if the person you are loving does not even know they are being loved. Loving someone is to continue loving them in an intentionally anonymous way. Regardless of them finding out how much you loved them. But love never fails, so don’t not love because they will know it is you…just love and trust that, that is the ticket. It is always done with an anonymous spirit; that is to say, a spirit that is not concerned with the outcome, just the loving. Love won’t fail. Believe that (I tell myself). That love is not a shallow love but a love deeply rooted in God, and it is by loving God with all your mind, body, soul does love for others flow out. Love Christ. Realize when you love God with everything there is no room to lop off a piece of your love for something or someone else. Love God with all of it…then…then my friend your love will be deep and meaningful regardless of whether or not you have any idea of whom you are loving. You could meet someone for the first time and love them unconditionally, and you could have a longstanding relationship with someone and love them unconditionally. The condition does not stand that you will do anything for them, or ‘love’ them directly unconditionally; rather you love God and let that mitigate all the ways in which you love others. Thus your relationships model the tri-force (Zelda reference). The love between you and those in your life is full because you love God with all your being, and then from/through that you love others. It seems the relationships I have with different people are radically different; however, the model of love that I have to love is singular in nature.
It is possible, only because of God, that I can love someone that I hardly know and that love not be shallow. My love is not shallow, even though it is a decision; it is something that has grown in me from God…it is something involved with all aspects of the self. Some of it I am able to articulate and much of it I am not. From a certain angel, the way I love people is the coalescing of my entire Christian life. Inclusive of all my intellectual conjectures, emotional Rolla coasters, spiritual growth, and life-in-community. What matters is how I love the Other. What matters is where, exactly, I stand with Christ as I know him today, this minute. And then that will dictate how I love when faced with the Other. It is because my relationship with Christ/God/Holy Spirit is so unbelievably meaningful (to me) that my love is so meaningful (to me...). Love never fails. I can love someone for the first time. I can ‘decide’ to love them without even knowing them and it is not shallow. It gains its depth from my journey into the interior of my Christianity. The further that journey goes the deeper/more meaningful/able my love becomes. A women loving a baby is not an exhibit of shallow love, even though the baby might still be in the womb thus making it impossible for her to have even met the baby (sort of...). Mothers are insanely in love with their kids (right mom). Whether she acknowledges it or not God is the reason for that love because God is the one that taught her the meaning of love. She is in love with that baby because she is in love with God in a way she doesn’t really know…I think it is some sort of anonymous love of God?. It is like…her love for that baby is meaningful because of God…because God is love, and if God is love than where ever love is, there is God as well. When she is loving her baby, it is completely meaningful because of God whether she knows it or admits it. It seams like so much flows from love/God.
I don’t think Christianity is a provable theory; it is metaphysical. Christianity cannot be proved anymore than any other transcendent concept, but if you believe in love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, joy, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, the building up of others, encouraging, helping, gaining character, treating others as beautifully perfect, sacrifice, being passionate…if you value these things…than I think Christianity is the best route to take. I felt an inclination to these things and they opened the road to see God, and the more I got into it, the more I learned, the more I realized that God is so perfect. The more I realized that Christianity was by far the best way to live my life… if I wanted to live like this. In the end it was just living the Christian life that somehow made me fall in love with God. In the end it is so simple: just love God. It is almost ridiculous, but, as Einstein said, “ things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.” The journey toward God (which I am just now beginning), toward unconditional love, is hairy, complicated; it is a thrilling self-propelled ride. It takes dedication, thought, sacrifice, and so much more, most of which I am not aware of, …but in the end…love God. Simple.

So, I guess that is what I have been thinking about lately. I think it is funny how I start out with these depressing predicaments in my writing/thinking and they all end up being mini-redemption stories. It seems they always end pointing to God; full of grace and love. I guess they end that way because I am a Christian and I can't be sinnicle all the time. I am critical of the problems and then let it go for God to redeem. Man it is sick (with a 'ph') being on the same side as God.

welp. I suppose I will leave you all with those thoughts and struggles. If you guys could pray for a couple things I would ask that you would pray for:

figuring out a good way to present "discipleship".

That I would fricken be able to sleep at night. I have been doin better, but I did not sleep at all last night. (When I say that things have been quiet lately, I mean for me, African's are the loudest people in I have ever come across). I think I haven't been able to sleep b/c my mind won't chill about so much, and...the slum is super loud...all night.

that I would be in the present. Whenever I am in a routine I immediately start thinking about what I will do next. I need to forget about my time this spring/summer and just think about now.

that I would not get too stir crazy at night...i'm freakin' out a little...(it's pretty funny, if you want a laugh you could ask Timm about it someday)


Alright. Peace dawgs.

L dizzle and the middle Gould: Remember that time we took that road trip to Chicago for Becky's wedding...Remember how we had to drive in a big circle just to get on the I-76 from Thornton...what were we thinking? Oh, and then, on the way back how Madaylyn had to pee so bad that she said that the sound of Kate's voice made her half to pee even more...Gosh, that was fricken halarious.

Kelly: I have been thinking about what you said about God's love being expensive, and I couldn't agree more. When we love it is the out-pouring of our entire Christian life. It's like all our time going through the Bible, talking about what we think about life, disciplining ourselves, praying...all for the sake of love; of loving. On another note, I heard you might be moving to San. Fran,...truth? Thank you for your kind words, I don't take them lightly; I look foward to some walks around Golden this spring (if your around).

Paul: I love you so fricken much. How could I forget? Remember that ride out west (i think it was the beg. of your sophmore year) I was still in high school, and I was driving out with you and then going to fly home. I do. I remember on that trip you told me that you thought I had changed and that, basically, I was stomach'able. That motivated me so much to fight for the inner life. I remember that moment with pointiant accuracy; it was, i think, the first landmark in my journey.

Mgraine: I read the poem aloud (in a quiet voice, in the internet cafe) to myself. I then read your comment. I then burst into tears. I don't think you know how much your words encourage me to fight to actually be honest.

J$: the Trifecta...mmm...The only thing I know about Malaysia, besides being able to point to it on a map, is that my tennis raquet was made there. I spent many hours standing on a tennis court at Beachwood staring at the little sticker "made in Malaysia" on the butt-end of my tennis raquet. I am excited to hear of your developing thoughts on love. It is so fricken cool that you are allowing those things to transform you. I look foward, immensly, to the oatmeal and decaf.

Kaettie: Thanks for the words. Thank you for being excited that I am here, it is sweet to hear that you are in support of me in that way. I hope that times in Golden (and it's close surrounding cities) are bumpin' the community. Oh, and I concur - South America is heaven.

Deja: Have you ever seen the movie 'waking life'? It is sorta a classic in my book. It is like a cartoon/moving-characatuer-drawing type animation. In one of the conversations, that the movie drops you in on, there is an old italian (he might not be italian) philosopher having a discussion about 'the holy moment'. The quote you shot me reminds me of that scene. I have tried to have 'holy moments', in a real way, and in a fun way - either way I think it is fun concept. If you haven't seen the flick, check it out. Even if you don't like it, it will be an interesting film to think about. Also, I learned how to make chappatti's last night. They are amazing. As far as spices go, I will have to get back to you, I need to check. Too, nice save with the cake, sounds sweet (there's a double meaning there...ha...), I will have to see pictures when I return.

Lo: I can picture you. Perfectly. Sitting at a computer in the library hurrying before that stupid timer kicks you off, teli-ski'n the freshies with that ear to ear grin, akin to the grin of the grinch who stole Christmas, plastered on your face. I can picture you living huge, and loving every second of it. Lo, it blows me away that you would be surprised at the way I love you. You are seriously one of the easiest people in the world to love. Your world is chill and full of laid-back love. Your character and lust for life is contagious. The way I saw you love was: direct. I find that sometimes I it is hard for me to say how so and so loves, because it is honestly just hard to see; but, not you, your love is evident. All the fricken time. I miss you like hell man. I can't wait to sample the world of Loren, and the world of 1203 soon.

booshortyboboos: Those pictures are fricken sweet. You guys went over to Parker's house? Oh, man, I wonder how that cat is doing. Is he not one of the sweetest kids ever? Oh, sorry about the cell phone thing...It wasn't actually my phone # that I gave to my parents, it was one that i had access to for that time period. I would have loved to hear from you. I hope that stuff is rockin for you in outskirts of chi-town. Are you excited about Laurel moving back to chi-town (even if its for a short time)? You guys have soo much fun together. I hope my house was suitable for all your partying with Laurel on New Years. I have spent many, many new years down there. Welp, catch you later friend. Oh, by the by, I think you owe me a mix cd...

Dina: Well it seems like the majority of my memories come from those unplanned things. I think I am stuck on the 'Strengh' one, of the nine requisites. I don't think I fully get the concept of forsaking my difficulties. I am going to have to think about that one some more. Afor-ee-sto for your prayers, they are much needed.

Big J and the oel's: FRick! I love fricken hear from you so fricken much, you frick. The monatarily focused can be an intensely difficult crew to love. dude, i'm sorry that the jackson chill vibe is void, minus the huge chunck of chill-goodness that you bring with you where-ever you go. Listening to your words is so encouraging for the future. I think the other day I was feeling sad about the state of things in my life, and when I come back to the states what I am coming back to. And, I know that you are in Jackson, but your words make me look foward to coming back to Golden - where so much of your influence still resides, and coming and chilling with you in jackson. Hearing the way you speak about life gives me hope that there are more people with that amazing uninhibited lifestyle, in nooks and crannies around the world. As i live my life over here attempting to love, it is so good to hear I have a friend attempting to love in Jackson. We are faced with the exact same thing, just in different places. Man, I feel like we are travelling partners on the same journey, and, to be honest, most of the time we are hitch-hiking. I love you, skate ski your heart out.

Steph: Lady, step inside my Hundiii. There is no better tune. Fear not, I took the time to actually sing through a good portion of that song under my breathe in the internet cafe. I, for sure, got a wierd look from the korean dude next to me...but then again, he was playing some inter-galactic shoot-em up game with his, paid for, interenet time. I hope all is well with you in the dale of glen. take care.

Hahn and the monster therein: oy nam, ti si nekcirf teews ot raeh morf uoy. I tnac eveileb ereht tnangerp! I evah ooos hcum evol rof uoy. I tnac tiaw ot klat ot uoy ni lluf liated tuoba ruoy efil. oh, and the 'santa's little work shop' comment is still one of the funniest things i have ever heard in my entire life, without exaggeration.

sup-date on safety.

For those that heard: Yes, a building fell down in Nairobi (the genius builders did not wait for the concrete to fully dry on each level before building the succeeding levels above). It did not fall on me. No worries. There are no buildings with the stature to actually 'fall' in my neck of the woods. real stuff soon.
much love.

notes from Africa, chapter 8

The swahili saying goes:
haraka, haraka, haina baraka [hurry, hurry, there is no blessing]
It is so good to have a chance to write to you again. It has been awhile.

I was mailed a book.
It is so funny that things from the states are being so seemlessly integrated into my life here.
I recently read the book. It's called: Things Fall Apart. The story is a simple account of a few Ibo people confronted with a white man's world. I had trouble with it. I did not like the premise that this story was not, in fact, written to appease my sense of story; rather, this story was written to give an account, and at the end of it observe that, yes, sometimes things fall apart.

The book through me for a loop in a few different places. The book has been an accurate microcosm of many of the desperate situations I have seen here, as well as a picture of my own time in Africa. Who remembers me before I left? Remember how I talked about going to Sudan, assesing the need there and seeing how I fit into that puzzle. Well, apparently, for the time being, I don't. The plan to go to Sudan did not happen, and with it the most tangible reason to go to Africa. Things fall apart. However, there was a motivation for coming to Africa, which in all honesty, was/is my dream. To learn and to help. These are the things that have goverened the decision making of this trip thus far.
It is unimaginable how many things Timm and I planned that have not come to fruition. Literally, nothing, in the world of places and times, has come to be in the way we planned.
Where I am now...
I have just rented a small concrete box to live in, in the most densly populated slum in the world: Kibera. I am teaching Christian Religious Education and Geography. I like my students, they are pretty dope. They are between 15 and 22 years old; we have a good time together. I know in my last blog I stated that I would be teaching Biology...oh, what a surprise something did not go as planned. Anyway, I am loving my students. I feel very at home in the classroom. There are four Forms (as they call them) in the secondary school. I teach classes in Forms 2,3, and 4. I will also teach Form 1 when the Form 1'ers start school on the 31st. The form 2 classes are basically Bible courses (I am currently taking them through the major prophets), Form 4 is basically an applied Christian Ethics course (lot's of fun), and Form 3 is something in between.
Other than teaching I have been busy working with CHONESUS, that support group that works with the kids and HIV victims of Kibera, and helping on the construction project for the new school compound that is being built (in Kibera). I think no matter where I go in my life contruction always seems to follow.

I am finding the chronology of this blog impossible to write because of how varied the recent times have been. I thought about trying to post a succint chronology of where I have been sleeping/living recently, but I confuse even myself with it so I will spare you. One thing however that is noteworthy to mention is Timm and I's reservation where we were supposed to stay was given away over Christmas. When we got back to Nairobi we had nowhere to stay (again). We ended up sleeping a number places over the week or two of mucking-muck (mission base outside nairobi, guesthouse, guesthouse owner's kid's bedroom, our tent, kijabe [45minutes outside of nairobi]). At the end of the two weeks we some how ended up renting a place actually in Kibera for the month. Despite the location of our place it is a fortress. It is literally one entirely concrete room, with a thick steel door. It is actually pretty halarious. Timm and I get there everyday before dark, lock ourselves away and proceed to be bizzaro inmates, where the bad force the good to stay locked-up.

Getting back to Things Fall Part...

The book was difficult for me because I hate the idea of things just falling apart or fading into the void of not-so-important history. Everything around me is falling apart. There is a horendous drought here in Kenya right now that will end up killing many, every tangible thing I have planned on this trip has gone a-rye, and the story of so many of the people I am dealing with will just fall apart. It hurts, but in the face of all the pain I am encouraged. I am encouraged because of the very basic beating heart of the Christian message: life eternal (and not in a 'life will be better someday' sorta way, but accepting the amazing, organic reality of it now). In the face of all that is around me I am pointed 100% in the direction of God. I struggle with the suffering and depravity of this place every day, and now that I live among it there is no escape (except when I walk 45 minutes or so to get to the internet cafe...). I am reluctant to share some of the things I have seen here, but I will share one now. When I was visiting HIV victims before Christmas I walked down a particular corridor and saw a small child peeing on another child, I continued ahead only to see a little girl backed up against a fence playing with what I thought was a water balloon in her mouth. A second later I realized that the water balloon was actually a condom.
These things I have seen, and continue to see are wretched. The poverty is unacceptible. Yesterday Timm and I were walking to fetch some water and thier was a dead baby in a plastic bag on the side of the road.
I came to Africa (in part) to face my existing problem with poverty. I am/have been facing it. As I face these things, as I confront thier reality and reflect on them, I am forced to turn my focus to the Christian message. It is only when I confuse myself with complicated constructions atop a simple idea that I am completely disenchanted with Christianity. How we confuse ourselves with evil is akin to the way most metaphysics confuse philosophy. Ludwig Wittgenstein said, "Philosophy is not one of the natural sciences...the object of philosophy is not a theory but an activity...the result of philosophy is not a number of ‘philosophical propositions’, but to make propositions clear. Philosophy should make clear and delimit sharply the thoughts which otherwise are, as it were, opaque and blurred ". When I forget that Christianity is an activity and a journey, when I confuse myself into thinking that God is accountable to me, and, most of all, when I forget that Christianity, in its most basic form, conquers death... then I begin to be confounded with the false dicotomy that a good God could not co-exist with a fucked up world (sorry for cussing mom).

To explain this more I would like to share a bit of raw material from my journal. I hope you all can track with it. It is some of my current thoughts, if you don't exactly follow it thats okay...its a journal entry.

:

Well I am not sure if religion as madness is a madness springing from irreligiousness. I mean I think it does...but, what I am sure of is religious sensibility is a conundrum wrapped up in an enigma with a Chinese dipping sauce. Honestly, religion...it is difficult, there is no question. As I struggle with many struggles in Africa, I realize how inclined I am to love only that which is easy for me to love. People, ideas, things, whatever. There is so much I cannot handle. I hate being around people that I cannot stand because it is so hard to be Christ-like around them. Anyone can love those that they enjoy, to love the people you cannot stand is the test. To be open to the crap around me is the test. If I am truly attempting to do what I say I am doing: loving, helping, whatever then I must allow the horrible situations grow me. I must face them.
Okay. So. This is why religion is hard. It forces you to be who you want to be. What it is inside me that cry’s out to be truthful. Religion is not some abstract set of rules or an ethical code of conduct. Religion is not a day job. It is not outside of me. It courses through my blood; I am infused with it. There is something inside me that wants to be sooo meaningful to the world, to those in my sphere, to me... I just want to live meaningfully, and that has got to come from within. It has to come from somewhere in my creation. I am the image of God. The implications of that fact are tremendous. If it is true that God is what instantiates meaning into everything then is it not so with me? I am created by God. His participation in my life is what gives my life meaning; I think in a platonic sort of way... It is an ontology of participation no question. What remains is me, God, and God participating in me. If I think then that religion is the way to live the enlightened, or the meaningful, life, and I think that God participates in my life (giving it meaning) by creating/ed me in his image; then...the only way to live meaningfully is to live an introspective life. The more I live as I was created to live the more meaning there is?...? The more I live like that once perfect Image the more I live with meaning, and therefore the more I live. So, I guess, basically, I think my point is the more I live the “inward life” the more I live.

I mean if ya think about it I need situations that make me desperate. Without those situations, without the people in my life I just cant stand, without struggle how would I ever build character. I cannot dismiss or attempt to ‘explain away’ the experiences I am having.

Accepting God and loving the people of this world can be shown in how I love a single person. I miss the point when I dismiss people I can’t stand. That is what I do I just dismiss them. I dismiss who they are to me, and then if they do something that I like, something that surprises me and adds depth to the picture I have of them then I become engaged with that one thing about them. How can I love them more holistically? How? I need to love them, not the things they do. Okay, so explain that without being cliché wasted. To love them is...it is...unconditional; yeah it isn’t something you do b/c of something the person does or is to you. I need to love before they even open their mouth...but that makes my love awfully shallow, doesn’t it? Can love be meaningful without sacrifice? If you love something about someone than that is what you love...not them. Right? Love must be a decision?? What, huh? What’s the point in decision-making? No one makes movies about the romance of decision making... They make movies about the romance of friendships, family, lovers, music, skills, etc. things that are motivated by love of something and the devotion that follows. There is something important about that. You decide to love and let that grow. Grow. Without those people you cannot grow. If life were easy there would be no growth, you see that is how it is designed. Funny huh? Murder, disease, horrible horrible things...they are results of sin, but vehicles of growth. Without the shit growth is not possible. The point of the Christian message is that the world does not end here. There is life after death. Death is the beginning, grow here and then we will see after. There is life after death! Life eternal is possible. This thought, this message, this reason for Christ to die is revolutionary; it is because it means that all the shit that is life, there is a reason for it. As Christ/'image of God' is seen as reality...you grow. The shit is what makes you grow. Why evil? Growth. Easy. Why growth. Because life eternal. Our time here is temporary, are we not visitors…or something sci/fi like that? I need pain for purpose.

:

welp, that was pretty raw, but it is me, and I hope it can work to explain some of how I am growing surrounded by refuse and pain. It is God/Love/Gospel that is the only hope for me, and the only hope for Africa.

much love.
phil.

Cousion Tommy: I am glad that you are following my progress. It is good to hear from you. I am sad to miss the annual renunion, but I heard it was a good time. Did Tanoose come? I heard that him and Fada had an epic battle where someone's hand got blown off by a fire-cracker?? anyway, I hope all is well with you and your family. Take care.

Brada: The words you have posted on this past blog have made me grateful for you. Dad always sits in that chair with the reheated...you name it. It excites me tremendously to talk with you about what you have seen upon my return. I think that talking about that alone is enough to bring me back to Colorado. Also, thanks again for the BAM link. It is super random, but useful.

Shannon: Thank you for the encouraging words. I am grateful for your prayers and in need of them. When you are thinking of me please pray that I would be able to sleep at night. For once in my life I am having trouble sleeping, which is a problem because of the amount of work I need to do now. I hope that the kids are well. much love.

Deja: It is so fun to hear of your experience at that seemingly halarious resturant. We will have to go there upon my return and find out how close it actually is to the real thing. It makes me laugh to think about it, and grateful that I have a friend that would care to experience my life here in a small way back home. Thank you. I can assure you that my cusuine here is nowhere near as elegant as the one you speak of. I now eat most of my meals in the slums (pray that I don't get sick). They mostly consist of beef(or some type of meat) stew, rice, chapatti, kenyan chai, or possibly just a bowl of beans; and whenver I eat on my own...it's avocados no question. In other news, How was the wedding!? Is dave really married?! Hope all is well.

The Jig: thanks for not fricking a fricka. That would be bad both coming and going. Anyway, it is phenomenal (dave anderson voice) to hear from you, be encouraged by you, and learn about what you are currently doing. I am glad that you dressed up like a lampost. And as far as peacen' out with Quinn goes...Sounds amazing. I am anxious to hear more about it. What do you want to see and do in Europe? What is your overriding desire concerning the trip? feel free to shoot me an email about it. How are classes going? Are you still heading down the nursing path or is God leading you else where? Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. much love bro.

Luap the Geias: It makes me think that my time is a piece of wax thats fallin on a termite that chokin on a slpinter.

Nathan: My dear friend, it is great to hear of from you, and your time in Japan. I think of you and mandy often. It excites me to hear that you may go to Garret. A lot of my thought here has been devoted to seeing the relevancy of the Christian Gospel in such a place as this, and in that I have been more convinced of the 'radical' nature of the Christian message. I am also anxious to hear how you recieve Smith's (your former prof's) account of RO, and his Reformed reforms. Are you doing the recommended readings with each chapter? Have you read the Divine Economy? When are you and Mandy coming back from Japan? Thank you for your prayers, I truly do need God to strenghten me. Well, I hope that all is well with you guys. much love.

Jared H: where the frick are you going to college? Are you playing any spring league soccer? oh, and don't worry despite the fact that there is a lot of "bitches that can't hang with the streets" Timm and I are keep'n it real. we ain't got no choice.

Kate: Yo. Word on the mich. (pronouced mike) is that you are peacen' on a road trip to chi-town with L dawg. Sounds sweet, I hope you guys have a blast together. You are right, Febtober is coming soon. I think I will be back somewhere in there, or at least just after. I miss you as well, and look foward to hangin' out w/ you and J dawg upon my return.

L to the aurel: Damn you and all your cleverness.

Joel (pronounced hoel): shit!! it's fricken sweet to hear from you. That is dope that the crew is up there. Did you get my letter/s. I hope so. Things are rockin' over on this side, and they sound like they are chill in jackson. Man, I feel like Jackson has its own sorta 'chill' about it that is different than Golden chill, but all-together good in a Jackson way. I hope that your stories and dreams are growing like your chia-pet. I miss you tons. Is time growing you in solitude? I hope that your images are as vivid as girls on hands and knees that throw thier hair before them over thier heads to dry in the sun. I wonder in what way you are letting that bright light that drank you swallow you. man, i love you.

Semper Oblivio: you know what they say...kidogog kidogo unalalaje kibokoini.

Paul: How do you know these things??? How did you even know what language that was? Frick.

Scotland: I wish I needed a word verification to post my comments, but since I don't I will just say: bilkyyklib. it's the best I can do. Thanks for the article. I have read many similar articles in the paper here. The situation is dire; however, it rained two nights ago, and it is currently raining. Pray that in continues. I hope that life is treating you kindly, or, more importantly, that you are treating life kindly. I think about you often, and look foward to our reniuon upon my return. What do you say we hit up Kincardin this year? you know, for tradition's sake. I love you.

notes from Africa, chapter 7

I had the oppurtunity to see the Narnia yesterday. Near the end of the flick Lucy asks Tumnus Where Aslan is going as the great Lion leaves the after war party. Tumnus explains that he comes and goes according to his own good judgement, and then drops my favirote line in the movie: "you know, he's not a tame lion." and Lucy replies interogitively, "but he's good..?" I love that.
I've never read the Chronicles of Narnia, and for those that have I am sure the books tell it much better. For those that know nothing of the story the Lion is the symbol for Christ/God. The line from Tumnus sums it up for me...God is not predictable or safe. He is good, he is just, and the rest is an adventure. To follow Christ is opening the proverbial can of worms, it throws all the rules out the window. The romance of it is: following Christ down every little crevace and fischer he leads you down. Have faith that he is good, and when he calls, inspires, or instills passions in you... follow.
As most of you know this was my first Christmas away from home, and I was worried about it. For the first month of this trip I anticpated Christmas with a good amount of angst. I kept thinking about where I would be because I was gaurding it, I wanted to protect the day from spending it alone or anywhere that wasn't "Christmas enough". I was deathgripping or whiteknuckling the day, even though I am obviously not in control of the days. I then recieved some good advice from a my friend Laurel via email. She told me to embrace how entirely difficult it was. Excellent advice. I thought about it for a few days, then I just let it go. I loosed my grip. My view pulled a 180 and I was no longer protecting something I couldn't control anyway, but rather looking for the part that made me feel shitty. Doing this allowed me to grow. Instead of Christmas just being that much more crapping because I was not with my family it matured me. It matuer me in how I deal with the things I love when I cannot have them how I want them. When I embraced what was entirely difficult I actaully saw what it was that made it difficult, in other words learned what it was I realy love about Christmas, I grew. I was able to write an e mail to my family for them to read during Christmas, and as I wrote the letter I felt like I was actualy with my family (in some weird way). This was the first of many occurences where God met me with the things I needed to go through my Christmas in Africa. I acutally spent my Christmas down in the Mara. Timm, the Russells, and myself made a good meal and opened a few presents we had picked up for each other along the way. Tari Russell gave Timm and I a few things from her storage, which included a new pair of white, ridged crew socks. Yup...I some how still managed to get socks for Christmas. It was in these miniscule things, cooking a meal, taking some pictuers, getting socks, pioneering egg nog out of milk, eggs, and whip cream powder, that God met me. Christmas still mattered, it still felt real, even though I was in hot Afica where no one cares a bit about Christmas.

In other news...
We came to Nairobi a little early there was a bit of an emergency with the Russells family back in the states and Tari flew back. Tari and one her daughters will fly back here in a few days and we will go back down to the Mara. We are just kind of bumming around Nairobi for these extra days. We are buying cement, steel, conduit, and the like so we will be able to pour another slab of concrete when we get back to the Mara.
Timm's dad and little sister come to Africa tommorow night. That should be cool. We will spend a week with them and then come back to Nairobi and begin teaching. Yup. Timm and I are now teachers at a high school in Kibera slums. Timm is teaching English and geography, I will be teaching Theology and Biology, and we will be team teaching an ethics course. We are looking foward to our stint as teachers. The students will be ages 17-22, but at a high school level. I am stoked to teach Theology and a little intimadated to teach biology...I hope I can teach anatomy.
Oh, and as far as New Year's goes, if anyone is wondering, Timm and I reminest a bit about past New year's times and fell asleep around 11:00pm...exciting, I know. Don't worry its not the first time I have slept through the New year.

I am feeling good. Timm is currently healthy. Thank you for those prayers. The language training is going well. I still need to be more disciplined. I am not excited to have a class full of students that can all speak a language I can't really understand. I am now beggining to write at a good clip. I want to write essays, and document more of what is happening here. I want to tell the stories of some of the people and places I have seen here. Please pray that God would grant me the ability to write with lucidity and accuracy.

The only other thing I have to say is, if any of you are not aware, Walt Witman is waiting for you somewhere along the journey. I recommend catching up with him at some point.

see ya later.

Mgrain: I suppose I could repeat myself a great deal in explaining my Christmas to you, but I think I will just bank of you having read the previous paragraphs and wish you a belated merry Christmas. Hope the new year is full of peace for you, katie, the dogs, and the plants.

Aunt Sharon: I think it is hysterical that you guys replaced me with a pictures on Christmas Eve. I must say I am looking foward to seeing the family photos in which "I" appear. As far as health goes Timm is feeling much better, and I am still very healthy. Thanks so much for the prayers. I hope that things are well with you in the classroom and at home. Please tell uncle George hello for me. I hope that my contribution to the ongoing "swivel chair conversation" was helpful. Take care.

Taher: Welcome to the blog my friend. It is great to hear from you. I hope michigan/work/inventing new things is going well for you. Please keep yourself up-to-date on the blog. Don't worry I will defenitly be around this Spring for some serious disc golf, provided my discs are still in working order... oh, and I will work on getting a pet for you.

Big Nelle Dawg: Hey! great to hear from you. Dr. Mario...sweet. Glad to hear it. I am rooting for you (no offense maxwell). Hey, doesn't mike live in Texas...maybe he's home for Christmas. Well, I hope that you are doing well and what not. I am well here in Africa I am glad that you made it onto the blog. I was recently thinking about when you sent me that Christmas package in Colorado my sophmore year. You sent me a card, a Christmas ornament, and, among other things, a double disc Christmas album. I still have/still listen to those cd's. Thanks. It is one of the best Christmas packages I have ever gotten. I hope all is well with you in Michigan with family stuff, and dating dan, and the whole ball of wax. Take care. oh, and if I haven't told you lately, you are halarious.

Kaetti: Whoah! So good to hear from you. I wasn't sure if any of y'all remembered that I had the blog goin. Climben' Spud again huh. Glad to hear it. Hope you don't get lost this time/have to wait with the dog at the summit. How is that ole husky doin anyway? So, did your parents move to Durango yet? I hope all is well with you and your family. Please tell Joel that I would love to dance to the Amilee sound track with him right now. keep it real, talk to you soon.

Dina: Thank you for the prayers, they are much needed and valued. You know I almost wrote a section on the christmas e mail for you, but I figured you would not be there seeing as you have not been thier on Chrsitmas Eve the past few years. Nonetheless, I wish you a merry belated Christmas/a fricken sweet new year. I want you to know that your plastic case carring my camera is still going strong. I hope all is well in the marketing sector, and you are still enjoying some of Grandma's best flavors, e.g. Hummus, Shahhhlameshe, etc. Later.

Deja: Well, the meals have been varied and interesting. Some have had a very high risk of...I don't know fatality. Others have been pleasent. I have been staying pretty culturally aware and eating Africa food. I have been eating Ugali, which is like mush type stuff made of cornmeal and ...you know I have no clue. Also, I have been eating beef (what kind i'm not sure) stew, rice, chapatti (amazing bread stuff), and a buttload of avocados. Avocados here are about 15cents and are about twice or three times the size of the avocodos back home. There was a stint for about ten days where I had avocado with bread/rice every meal. The african cuizine is interesting and most of the time sketchy, but I like it. Make sure to take some pictures of this cake that you and alissa are baking. I am curious to see it in all its cake glory. later.

Kristy: Yes, I laughed at the pictures. They were a wonderful Christmas surprise. I also laughed at the fact that you included both standard Christmas photos (one w/ sharon one w/ bob). Thank you. I look foward to re-living the experience with you as well. talk to you soon.